2. Review: Don't take this the wrong way, but have you ever heard of Van Halen?
Well, I guess there's no "right" way to take that.
I wouldn't mind the unoriginal title, if it weren't for the fact that the song sounds like an extremely bad ripoff of Van Halen's tune. The guitar riffs are different, but have more or less the exact same rhythm, and likewise the lyrics are different, but the vocalist is using the exact same lyrical rhythms as David Lee Roth.
And even the unoriginality might be forgivable, if the track had any redeeming value in terms of musicianship, production value, or anything else. But this recording is so spectacularly bad that the very worst possible thing that the artist(s) could possibly do is to invite comparison to Van Halen, because any such comparison is sure to be unflattering.
I'm sorry -- I usually make it a rule not to write a review unless I've got something good to say, or at least some constructive criticism to offer, but this track is just so terrible and unoriginal that the only constructive criticism I can offer is that the master should be encased in lead and buried in the deepest mineshaft you can find -- preferably before Eddie Van Halen gets wind of it and sues you back to the Stone Age.